π¬ Real-Life Story: βI Was Just Trying to Helpβ¦"
Jun 17, 2025
Russ and I were working with a couple recently. Let's call them Jason and Maya.
Maya was upset because Jason had made a big decision about their finances without talking to her first.
When Maya brought it up, Jason immediately got defensive:
“You’re always making a big deal out of nothing. I was just trying to help us out!”
What Jason didn’t realize is that his defensiveness was sending a message:
“Your feelings don’t matter.”
Instead of calming things down, it shut Maya down.
After coaching, Jason tried again. This time with a different approach:
“You’re right. I should’ve checked in with you before making that call. I can see why that felt disrespectful. I want us to make these decisions together.”
That one shift of taking responsibility transformed the entire tone of the conversation.
π οΈ Defensiveness says: “It’s not my fault.”
β€οΈ Responsibility says: “Let me own my part.”
Which one do you tend to default to? And how might your marriage change if you made this simple shift?
DID YOU KNOW?: Emotional safety is crucial in a marriage because it creates an environment of trust, understanding, and support between partners.
