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Why Forgive if They Hurt Me? by Russ West

forgiveness Aug 15, 2023
a couple on the beach looking at opposite directions


We often wonder why we do not get peace when we forgive someone that has hurt us. Remember that we forgive because we have been forgiven not because the person that hurt us deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is canceling a debt. We are releasing the person that hurt us from what we believe they owe us like apologizing to us or allowing us to tell them how they hurt us. 

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:13

Many people that have hurt us do not believe they need or want our forgiveness. It takes courage to forgive.



If we can't get the apology we deserve or we can't vent to them about how they hurt us or even get a thank for forgiving them how do we get peace from forgiveness?

Some peace will come if we let go of what we believe people owe us through forgiveness. Additional peace will come through compassion. Remember the root of our bad behavior is pain. when someone hurts you, try to look beyond their behavior that hurts you to their pain that causes the behavior.



My father was a violent alcoholic who hurt me, my mother, and my brother, in many ways. Over time, I learned about the pain from his own childhood that cause his bad behavior, which ended up hurting my family during my childhood. As I got older, I had compassion as I would think about how painful my father's childhood was and this compassion would give me peace.



Seek to understand the pain behind why someone hurt you. If you don't get the opportunity to discover the pain behind their behavior, have compassion on them anyway knowing that there is some kind of pain there.



Learn new communication skills you can immediately apply in your marriage and some harder skills (with practice) that will transform your marriage.